Pairing: Sirius/James; Sirius/Remus
Comments: Writing this depressed the shit out of me.
Sirius loved James. James was his hero, everything he wanted to be. Sirius hated himself. He hated how he was. Sirius would do anything for James. Anything at all.
Remus loved Sirius. He loved his recklessness and his rueful grin…and him. Remus loved Sirius but would not tell him. He would not tell him, because he knew James loved Sirius too. And Sirius loved James.
James loved Sirius. But Remus loved Sirius too, and James knew. And if anyone deserves Sirius - it’s Remus, James thought. So James married Lily. He married Lily but still longed for Sirius. He spent his whole life loving Sirius - in secret. James loved Sirius but would not tell him. He would not tell him because Remus loved Sirius too.
Remus knew that James loved Sirius. And if Sirius would want any boy – it would be James, Remus thought. Remus knew that James knew. James knew that Remus loved Sirius too. Remus would not tell Sirius. James would not tell Sirius. James and Remus each loved each other too much to claim Sirius for their own.
Sirius felt hated. Sirius knew he was not loved. Sirius was alone and depressed. Sirius was loved. Sirius did not know.
When James was killed, Sirius broke down. He mourned for his love, the darling of his life. He regretted the fact that he never told him. I love you James. I love you James. The thought never graced his lips.
Remus was worried. Remus knew Sirius loved James, dearly. Remus loved James too. He waited. He waited very long. And then he told Sirius. He told Sirius he loved him. I love you Sirius. I love you Sirius. He told him over and over again. Sirius was not as surprised as Remus thought he would be.
It was a long time before Sirius could say it. But when he did, he knew he truly meant it. I love you Remus. He said it, it became more than a thought in his head. He said it. Validated it. I love you Remus.
James loved Remus. Remus loved James. And they both loved Sirius – deeply.